Horrible dreams last night that P cheated on me and wanted a divorce. I have no idea what brought this on. I was devastated. I couldn't figure out why, why. And kept confronting him and he couldn't explain it. I was telling him everything he said was a lie and all that. I told him he needed to tell his parents (not E and B by the way) so that he would be humiliated for having such a lack of character. And I lost my best friend (him). That was the worst.

I'm sure it wasn't P. We haven't been the most lovey-dovey lately (and V Day coming up!) but he's not cheating on me or wanting a divorce. But I'm sure it's the stuff I wish I could say to C. He did cheat on me emotionally because he wanted L. then he wanted J. all while we were together and supposedly in love. I'd love to ask him why and confront him on one level but then I'm not sure if I could handle the pain and humiliation of all of it. It still hurts to recall being rejected by someone you loved so much, regardless of how I act like it's no big deal now. It still hurts when I think about it all. And I feel like an idiot for hanging on so long.

Feeling okay but major lack of sleep. Why won't physical therapy let me schedule ahead of time??? I'd like to know which days this week I am booked up after work ahead of time. Not too much to ask.

So overwhelmed at work and going so tired isn't going to help. But I watched a sermon yesterday on thankfulness. Five things to be thankful for today:

1. car that runs and has a/c and heat
2. son is learning more and more everyday
3. didn't wallow in self-pity yesterday; got out of the house and had fun at the museum
4. this job is still a hell of a lot better than the last one
5. knee getting stronger everyday!

I do feel better!!!

Feeling somewhat better. Just writing all that stuff out day before yesterday made me feel less depressed. And getting a pedicure in blood red, too.

My menstrual cycle is so screwed. I have been waiting and waiting for a period since mid January (something small even with the IUD). Now this week horrible cramps and backaches and mood swings. And still nothing. My weight won't budge until after my period.

I get so tired of seeing evil people prosper. F does everything wrong, lies, slacks off, never shows up, etc. and he's the golden boy. Maybe this shouldn't matter to me but I can't help it. I want to see him brought down a notch. And I want to miss many weeks of work.

I just want this school year to be over. I may be too burnt out to teach summer school but I need to make some money somehow.

First cockroach...

This week's cockroach...

The asshole that stole something very expensive from my classroom. I know who you are, by the way. Your friends ratted you out. I had hopes for you. I thought you could see how smart you are and turn away from the gang life. I could picture you going to college. I cried when I heard it was probably you.

I have nothing but disdain for you now and can't stand to look at you in class.

People are blaming me for not having multiple locks on everything when I know damn well that most teachers have the same level of security as I do. Also, I was using every security device available in that room. Besides, I'm not the one who left the door open because there was a sub. I'm not the one that stole the damn thing.