Horrible dreams last night that P cheated on me and wanted a divorce. I have no idea what brought this on. I was devastated. I couldn't figure out why, why. And kept confronting him and he couldn't explain it. I was telling him everything he said was a lie and all that. I told him he needed to tell his parents (not E and B by the way) so that he would be humiliated for having such a lack of character. And I lost my best friend (him). That was the worst.

I'm sure it wasn't P. We haven't been the most lovey-dovey lately (and V Day coming up!) but he's not cheating on me or wanting a divorce. But I'm sure it's the stuff I wish I could say to C. He did cheat on me emotionally because he wanted L. then he wanted J. all while we were together and supposedly in love. I'd love to ask him why and confront him on one level but then I'm not sure if I could handle the pain and humiliation of all of it. It still hurts to recall being rejected by someone you loved so much, regardless of how I act like it's no big deal now. It still hurts when I think about it all. And I feel like an idiot for hanging on so long.